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Quotes and Jokes

“Greatest medicine of all is to teach people how not to need it.”



“The aim of medicine is to prevent disease and prolong life, the ideal of medicine is to eliminate the need of a physician.”


William James Mayo

“I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be a doctor. The doctors I knew as a very young child must have helped to plant the desire in me, when I was as young as five or six. One homeopathic physician, Dr. Justice Gage Wright, was a great model.”

C. Everett Koop, M.D. 
(Surgeon General of the United States from 1982-1989)

Nurse:  Doc, we have lost our patient.
Doctor:  What happened?
Nurse:  He recovered.

A psychiatrist congratulates his patient with a progress in treatment.
The patient: Do you really call it a progress? Six months ago I was a Napoleon and now I am nobody.

Funny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries

v  patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
v  Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
v  Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

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Last Updated : 04 Jan,2018